AUTHOR: Hollie Go Lightly
TITLE: Hurry Up and Wait
DATE: 8/17/2005 06:25:00 AM
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Ever been in one of those situations where you're not really sure where you stand with a guy or a girl?
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STALKER WATCH: DAY 10
Yep, he was back last night ringing my buzzer 3 times
around 12:30. Long buzzes. Loud buzzes.
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A few weeks ago, my friend Jen hooked up with a guy on my softball team. Nothing major, just a bit of making out. She wasn't really sure she was even interested in him. In the weeks between that night and the next game she attended, the guy was more than attentive. Texting her, e-mailing her. He even told her that, after kissing her that first night, he cancelled a date that he had that same evening because he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was a little spooked but decided to hang in, citing the obvious chemistry, regardless of her own intimcay issues.
History repeats itself and they hook-up again after the next game (just kissing, not going home together.) They were supposed to leave together, you see, but he got drunk and wanted to stay and hang with the guys. She left feeling dejected.
She calls him the next day and tells him that her feleings were hurt. No response. Days go by. No word.
Finally, she text messages him and says, "Look, I like you. What happened Saturday hurt my feelings. But I wanted you to know that I do like and want to hang out again."
He responded and said he liked her too and wanted to see her sometime. He text messaged her a few days later saying he was thinking about her.
Then...he dissappeared for a week or so. She e-mailed him and asked, "Did I do something wrong?"
He e-mailed her a few days later. "No," he said, "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just buried at work and trying to get my head screwed on about a few things."
He had just moved here from DC in June when his company transferred him. He learned of his transfer May 15th, was out here in NYC by June 1st. His apartment in DC still hasn't been rented, he hasn't fully moved his stuff (like all of it) and he's trying to get settled in at his new office. In short, he's overwhelmed.
Or is he?
After the last game, Jen asked him to go outside for a cigarette so she could ask him what was up.
"I'm confused" she said. "You've gone from seeming really interested to just dropping out of sight. Are you just not into it anymore?
"If I weren't interested in you, I wouldn't be out here with you" he said as they shared a smoke on the stoop outside the bar. "After Aug 29th, I'll be in a much better place."
"We can't hook up before then? What if I say ahead of time that I understand what the deal is so you're not feeling obligated?"
"That's great and all, but just because you relieve me of being obligated doesn't mean I'll actually feel that way. I will feel obligated and I don't want to right now. I just don't think it's fair to you or to me to hook up until I'm in a better place in a few weeks.
They both agreed that there was a great chemistry between them and a string mutual attraction that was worth investigating. They made out a bit more and left it that he'd see her at the next game this weekend.
Back inside, Jen went from having a goofy grin on her face to furrowing her brow. "I don't know what's happening" Jen said as she picked at her salad, flicking the mandarin oranges on to my plate. "Two weeks ago, I didn't even think I was attracted to him. Now I want to jump him so badly my teeth hurt. Do I just want him because I can't have him? Is he just blowing me off?"
"Normally, I look at actions rather than words" I said. "But this one has me stumped. He's made a lot of effort, but then he's turned around and negated it by backing off a bit. You have to give him credit, though, for knowing that hooking up would come with obligations. He could have easily fooled around with you and then just bailed. That speaks to his character."
If I didn't know the guy Jen was talking about I'd have told her to forget him. Move on. What I knew of this guy I liked. He was sincere and funny. And he went to Harvard (Go Crimson!). So that right there tells me that he's probably a very disciplined guy. You don't get through an Ivy League school by blowing things off and not following a schedule.
If he had hooked up with her and THEN been distant I'd told her to forget about him.
This had all the makings of a "He's Just Not That Into You" scenario. So, why should Jen hang on? The only thing I could offer was this - "What does your gut tell you?"
She looked pensive for a moment, then said "It's telling me that he's a decent guy, a good guy, and that he's telling me the truth. If he had slept with me and then blew me off it would be a different story. But he didn't. Which just makes me want to fuck him even more. I swear, if we do do It, I'm gonna ride him like he's never been ridden before."
Courtesy. The new aphrodisiac. I liked it.
I told her to wait it out and give him the space he needs.
Your thoughts?
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